March 29, 2022
“You’re exactly what this company needs”, says the interviewer. I’ve been interviewing the last 2 days and you’re the absolute best. You’ll receive an offer from me first thing tomorrow.
As the sugar-plums dance in your head that night, it’s difficult to sleep. The next morning the phone rings and as the voice speaks, your giddiness begins to wane. The voice says, “We thank you for applying for the position, but ultimately you were not selected.”
Or how about the boss who likes you today, but tomorrow morning acts like they don’t. Sound familiar?
We’ve all had times when we have felt the person across the desk is really “in” to us, “in” to our abilities, but when tomorrow comes, it seems not. Such behavior we can’t figure out.
You think to yourself, “Can I make them happy? I don’t understand why they are acting this way; Did I do something wrong? I need this job? What if I’m fired or I never get another interview?”
Our minds go wild. We want to please others and be sure that we are giving them what they need. However, when they turn the tables on us, we start overthinking the situation and become so focused on worrying about how to resolve the issue, an unknown, that our focus on worrying how that one person is going to react in the future, stumps our ability to accomplish the work at hand. As Seneca says, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”. Marcus adds, “if we are pained by the externals that we have no control over, this is in our mind—yet, we have the power to wipe it out”.
For you, remaining that conscientious person and putting forth great work is important. You know that being the strong and steady rock is what is needed of you and for others around you – which includes those above you on the totem pole. For you must stay focused and achieve your mission above all else. You simply must be…. “who you are” … always.
“So, maybe that company isn’t the right fit for me”, you say. “If so, they are welcome to find someone else if I cannot meet the need.”
However, you’ve found that the issue is typically that the boss or interviewer isn’t meeting a personal need (versus a company need) and are expecting you to fill in their inadequacy for them—which is something they need to accomplish within themselves.
And you’re not interested in participating in their mental roller-coaster ride. For you do your very best when your mind is serene.
Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:
(S) A company or person flip-flops on their interest in me.
(T) “If you are pained by any external thing, … it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it.” Marcus Aurelius
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Apostle Paul
(O) Once I didn’t take the other person’s/company’s actions personally, I was able to stay focused on what needed to be accomplished.
(I) I realized by not concentrating or focusing on how I viewed what the others were thinking of me, and instead staying steadfast in the assignment, situations worked themselves out.
(C) I improved my steadiness even as chaos was all around me.
The Stoicess’ Secret?
Never accept an offer for a mental roller-coaster ride
November 28, 2022
November 25, 2022