March 29, 2022
“You’re exactly what this company needs”, says the interviewer. I’ve been interviewing the last 2 days and you’re the absolute best. You’ll receive an offer from me first thing tomorrow.
As the sugar-plums dance in your head that night, it’s difficult to sleep. The next morning the phone rings and as the voice speaks, your giddiness begins to wane. The voice says, “We thank you for applying for the position, but ultimately you were not selected.”
Or how about the boss who likes you today, but tomorrow morning acts like they don’t. Sound familiar?
We’ve all had times when we have felt the person across the desk is really “in” to us, “in” to our abilities, but when tomorrow comes, it seems not. Such behavior we can’t figure out.
You think to yourself, “Can I make them happy? I don’t understand why they are acting this way; Did I do something wrong? I need this job? What if I’m fired or I never get another interview?”
Our minds go wild. We want to please others and be sure that we are giving them what they need. However, when they turn the tables on us, we start overthinking the situation and become so focused on worrying about how to resolve the issue, an unknown I might add, that our focus on worrying how that one person is going to react in the future, stumps our ability to accomplish the work at hand. As Seneca says, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”. Marcus adds, “if we are pained by the externals that we have no control over, this is in our mind—yet, we have the power to wipe it out”.
For me, remaining that conscientious person and putting forth great work is important. Being the strong and steady rock is what is needed of me and for others around me – which includes those above me on the totem pole. I must stay focused and achieve my mission above all else. I simply must be…. “who I am” … always.
So maybe that company isn’t the right fit. If so, they are welcome to find someone else if I cannot meet the need.
However, I’ve found that the issue is typically that the boss or interviewer isn’t meeting a personal need (versus a company need) and are expecting me to fill in their inadequacy for them—which is something they need to accomplish within themselves.
And I’m not interested in participating in their mental roller-coaster ride. I do my very best when my mind is serene.
Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:
(S) A company or person flip-flops on their interest in me.
(T) “If you are pained by any external thing, … it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it.” Marcus Aurelius
(O) Once I didn’t take the other person’s/company’s actions personally, I was able to stay focused on what needed to be accomplished.
(I) I realized by not concentrating or focusing on how I viewed what the others were thinking of me, and instead staying steadfast in the assignment, situations worked themselves out.
(C) I improved my steadiness even as chaos was all around me.
The Stoicess’ Secret?
Never accept an offer for a mental roller-coaster ride.
Remember: “It’s the Situation Keeping My Connection with Him”.
I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess, and I believe in You!
Here’s the video link if you’d like to watch: https://youtu.be/YENRIjGMejM
June 29, 2022
June 27, 2022