Being guilted by a friend to give up confidential information - Stoic Matchmaker

Being guilted by a friend to give up confidential information

Being guilted by a friend to give up confidential information

April 4, 2022

They ask, “You’re my best friend and I want to apply for this position that is the same rank as you and I know I’m qualified, but don’t know how much money to ask for. How much money do you make?”

You think to yourself, “I know I make much more than they think I do.
If I tell them, will they get upset and throw my personal information out to the world?
But if I don’t tell, will they say we’re no longer best friends and degrade me in front of others?”

You know that we all have had someone that has tried to guilt us into giving them confidential information. Trying to make the decision on whether to divulge can be very upsetting; but the aftermath can be catastrophic if the information is not held in confidence.

For you, you realize it’s your perception of the situation that is most upsetting. You realize that you’re being asked to give up YOUR CONTROL – control of information that could be used against you by this person.

In reaching your decision, you also consider whether this person is Your Trusted Friend.
Because you know that being a Trusted Friend is a one-way street.
The person may consider you to be their Trusted Friend knowing that you are faithful when they share information with you; however, currently they may have not reached that status “in your book”.

So, for those not a Trusted Friend, your answer is simply “No”

And what if they say, “Then we’re no longer friends if you won’t tell me?”
Hmmm… that’s pre-schoolish behavior in your book, so that goes into your bucket when considering whether they’ll ever be Your Trusted Friend.

Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:

(S) A family member, friend, or co-worker is trying to guilt meu into giving up confidential information.
(T) “When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.” Seneca
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Book of Proverbs
(O) I refused to divulge the information because the person was not my trusted friend.
(I) Being considered a trusted friend is a one-way street; each individual decides, by their own standard, if the other meets the standard of being a trusted friend.
(C) Each day that passes, I improve my role of being a trusted friend to myself as well as to others.

The Stoicess’ Secret?
Never share with another what you control unless they are a Trusted Friend

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