Being guilted by a friend to give up confidential information

Being guilted by a friend to give up confidential information

April 4, 2022

They ask, “You’re my best friend and I want to apply for this position that is the same rank as you and I know I’m qualified, but don’t know how much money to ask for. How much money do you make?”

You think to yourself, I know I make much more than they think I do.
If I tell them, will they get upset and throw my personal information out to the world?
But if I don’t tell, will they say we’re no longer best friends and degrade me in front of others?

I think we all have had someone that has tried to guilt us into giving them confidential information. Trying to make the decision on whether to divulge can be very upsetting; but the aftermath can be catastrophic if the information is not held in confidence.

For me, it’s my perception of the situation that is most upsetting. I realize that I’m being asked to give up MY CONTROL – control of information that could be used against me by this person.

In reaching my decision, I also consider whether this person is My Trusted Friend.
You see, being a Trusted Friend is a one-way street.
The person may consider me to be their Trusted Friend knowing that I am faithful when they share information with me; however, currently they may have not reached that status “in my book”.

So, for those not a Trusted Friend, the answer is “No”

But Stoicess, What if they say, “Then we’re no longer friends if you won’t tell me?”
Hmmm… that’s pre-schoolish behavior, so that goes into my bucket when considering whether they’ll ever be My Trusted Friend.

Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:

(S) A family member, friend, or co-worker is trying to guilt meu into giving up confidential information.
(T) “When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.” Seneca
(O) I refused to divulge the information because the person was not my trusted friend.
(I) Being considered a trusted friend is a one-way street; each individual decides, by their own standard, if the other meets the standard of being a trusted friend.
(C) Each day that passes, I improve my role of being a trusted friend to myself as well as to others.

The Stoicess’ Secret?
Never share with another what you control unless they are a Trusted Friend.

Remember: “It’s the Situation Keeping My Connection with Him”.

I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess, and I believe in You!

Here’s the video link if you’d like to watch:

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