My partner refuses to change; What should I do? - Stoic Matchmaker

My partner refuses to change; What should I do?

My partner refuses to change; What should I do?

May 23, 2022

Ever have someone you felt you were their protector? Working intensely, tirelessly, sacrificing yourself for them to shield them from life’s pitfalls and perils? Whether a boyfriend, girlfriend, or family member, they announce YOU to the world as their designated guardian angel.

However, when you see a change is needed in them for their best interest and you give the suggested change, they refuse even an attempt to try to change?

You ask them, “why”? “Because I don’t want to”, they respond. “But it’s for your own good”, you implore. “I don’t care. I’m not doing it!” is their final response.

For you, when faced with this negative feedback, you ask myself, “Do we not see things the same?” Is there a deeper issue of fear? Their fear of making a change?”

As such, you try to create a positive environment in their mind for why a change is needed. While doing so, you keep your own mind focused on God’s words to be courageous. You also consider Marcus’s words that change is close to Nature’s heart; it is nature’s delight. And you realize that nature seldom remains an ally to those who refuse to change.

Communicating this view of nature’s demand (while giving positive feedback) to your beloved, you build a trusting relationship. And nature is satisfied once her demand has been met.

Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:

(S) When those I oversee don’t want to change.
(T) “Frightened of change? But what can exist without it?” Marcus Aurelius
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Book of Deuteronomy
(O) Overlooking the not-so-positive to looking at the positive, in turn, made my request more palatable.
(I) Looking back, basing my request on Nature’s demand, encouraged the person to want to please Nature and put more effort forward.
(C) The character trait I improved was my respect for Nature while sharing her demand with another.

The Stoicess’ Secret?
When they refuse to change, nature seldom remains an ally.

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