Overcoming Codependency - Stoic Matchmaker

Overcoming Codependency

Overcoming Codependency

October 31, 2022

Overcoming Codependency

“I can only be happy if you’re happy”, they say to their partner. “But I can’t stand to you see fail because you have so much potential”, they continue. “I’m going to be here and help you be that rising star.”

Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve heard a friend say these words to a significant other in their life.
You think to yourself, “Are they the giver in the relationship awaiting some miracle for their partner to spread their wings?”

You realize the problem is that their significant other may not want to put in the work necessary to succeed. So, in turn, your friend’s significant other depends on your friend to do all the work for them. Your friend thinks they’re helping their significant other by overstepping their role of taking care of them, but as the significant other’s dependency increases on the friend, the friend’s dependency to see them succeed at any cost becomes overly burdensome. As you watch, you see the relationship becomes unhealthy – ultimately failing – because the friend gave themselves to this cancer.

And for you, you try never to let your emotions become the result of what you think another person can accomplish in your relationship. You realize they are not your Barbie Doll… or Ken Doll … to dress them in your imagination for their success. You do not try to fix them

Instead, you offer tough love.  If your help is wanted to achieve success, then constructive criticism is what you give. And when you perceive your partner is missing the mark, you’ll give correction accordingly. But it’s their effort, their goal, their wings – not yours. A supporter you shall be; A caregiver Never!

Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:

(S) How do I control my codependency?
(T) “For when I am powerless, it is then that I am strong.” Apostle Paul
(O) I decided to concentrate on making myself independent from my partner’s ability to succeed.
(I) I realized our codependency was not only harming me but my partner as well.
(C) The character trait I improved was remaining supportive but not controlling.


The Stoicess’ Secret:

Your independence is based on your partner’s dependency on themselves.

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