Coworker Asking for a Date: Stoicess’ Secret

April 2, 2024

Coworker Asking for a Date: Stoicess’ Secret.

You didn’t like your colleague to begin with, but you’re now stranded on a deserted island with him – a deserted island at the office. It’s because only the two of you understand the project and have the technical skills to make it work.

Typically, the two of you will fight as each of you give your different perspectives on the project to leadership. Leadership became tired of the bickering and has now placed the two of you together to work out the project’s details.

And why the bickering? It’s because you asked him out on a date once, and he quickly turned you down in a deadpan tone. As some would say, “He put you in the ‘Friend Zone’”. You were so upset. “He had me begging at his door,” you think to yourself, “and this jerk snubbed me”. So, it’s been a war ever since between you.

However, your feelings for each other are beginning to change. He’s been warming up to you of late. The reason finally dawned on you – it’s likely the many hours we have been spending together over the last couple of months. The conversations have become very open, and you’ve each shared things that you’d never tell anyone else. You’re beginning to feel romance in the air, and yesterday it finally happened – he has now asked you out on a date. It’s what you previously wanted, but now you want to keep this close friendship instead. So, do you mimic his prior behavior and put him into the “friend zone” or is there a better approach?

From training with the Stoicess, you know that when two people are put on a deserted island together, that closeness in proximity and lack of available alternatives can change the feelings each has for the other. Add to the mix that the two of you find you have similar interests in some capacity, and the relationship can blossom into that “match made in heaven”.

How many times do some of the brightest, prettiest girls living in a small town settle for lower-ranking boys from the same town instead of venturing out to find that equally bright, handsome husband that would be a better true match for them? It’s the old adage of “The only game in town”, so the girl settles with the best one she can find among the least.

On reviewing the Stoicess teachings, you realize that your colleague is likely feeling mere “puppy love” for you at the moment, and once you are both returned to the real world, he will probably wake up from his dream and drop you for another.

So, you tell your colleague that your heart has always felt toward him what he is feeling for you now, but your current close proximity at work, the immense amount of time you have been spending together, and the intertwining of your minds on a subject that is dear to you both are likely causing this overwhelming feeling he is presently feeling. It’s a feeling you’re willing to fight for if he is willing to enter and sustain that fight with you.

But for now, the relationship needs time to see if he has the mental mettle – that willingness to make the relationship endure, particularly after the two of you are released from your current close proximity.

Thus, you’ll remain in his “friend zone,” and he will be placed into your “love zone” until he passes your tests for a “Trusted Friend”. You’ll be waiting for your King Arthur as he waits for his Queen Guinevere so the two of you can continue in your journey to build your Camelot together.

Now using My S-T-O-I-C STORYTELLING method:

(S) My co-worker asked me out on a date, but I’m not interested; what should I say?
(T) “In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse.” Marcus Aurelius
“Unless you speak clearly with your tongue, no one can understand what you are saying. You will be talking into the air!” Apostle Paul
(O) I will clearly state my position.
(I) I realized I need to be frank and open in my response without apologizing and without feeling guilty.
(C) The character trait I improved was clearly speaking my position.

Thank you for sharing your mind with me.

For your continued Success,

Hear MY Secret:

When you give him that second chance, speak your rules clearly so he doesn’t freelance.

I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess
and I believe in You