October 5, 2022
For an introvert, navigating the dating world can be a real challenge. It’s common for introverts who want to date to view their reserved nature as an obstacle in their love life. But it doesn’t have to be like that!
First, think of your strengths. I find introverts to be methodical, smart, and wise. The reason I’ve found this to be true is that they know themselves very well.
As the Book of Psalm states, “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him”. And Seneca, a well-known stoic said, “Nothing, to my way of thinking, is a better proof of a well ordered mind than a man’s ability to stop just where he is and pass some time in his own company.”
Sure, introverts have a different personality, but their ability to know who they are, know themselves better than many do, is an inherent superiority.
Think about those previously called “Nerds. Those pencil-pushing tech savvy quiet types became the darlings for dating and marriage. They definitely knew how to make a dollar or two.
So, if you’re an introvert, know potential partners are watching. The key for you, as an introvert, is to learn to use your innate strength to your advantage.
Here are a few useful dating tips to help introverts get out of their comfort zone and navigate the dating scene.
First, start with what you know. If you are an introvert, you probably already know that you prefer to spend time alone. You may be uncomfortable about making small talk with someone. In these cases, your knowledge of yourself is an asset.
Use that knowledge to your advantage. While extroverts may relish the opportunity to expand their social circles, the vast majority of introverts, like you, are wired to prefer spending time with others they already know rather than strangers.
However, if you don’t know anyone you would like to date, start with making a new friend with someone who appears to like you.
For example, someone may look and smile at you every time they pass by you. And they know you see them even with your eyes staring at the ground in front of you (or at the laptop or mobile device) because as an introvert, you’ve developed great peripheral vision; a real sixth sense.
So, when they pass by and you’re sitting there, calmly ask him or her to sit with you. Just tell the person what you’re working on lately in your mind and ask their opinion.
As a Christian introvert, you can say something to another Christian like “I’ve been thinking about the story of David vs Goliath and have wondered if I were David, what I would have done if I got nervous and missed Goliath with the first stone I sailed at him. Would I have found another smooth stone around me quickly or would I be running until I found a second suitable stone? How did David have so much confidence?” This process is called “making small talk. And the way you think “outside of the box” is awe inspiring. It’s how introverts flex your muscles (your brain) in front of your audience; however, you do the flexing in a way that absolutely intrigues the listener.
You may find that this new person will make you feel even more comfortable as they share their opinion with you. Going forward, sit at the same place the next couple of days and see if the person returns. This is called establishing your lair.
If the person returns in the next few days and sits by you again, tell them another “out of the box story” – how about why Abraham told his wife Sarah to say she was his sister as they traveled through Pharaoh’s land.. and would you have done the same if this gorgeous and nice individual sitting beside you were your mate?
If you believe after a few sittings that you’ve developed a friendship and are comfortable enough, ask the person out. Suggest a walk in the park, or a dinner, a movie, or whatever you find that both of you enjoy.
Just keep in mind that having an established bond with somebody makes it easier for you, as an introvert, to have long, satisfying social interactions with another. And by the way, we all know that Christian introverts are very faithful to their partner.
While virtual hangouts and conversations can certainly have their drawbacks, for introverts, they are particularly advantageous. The reason is that virtual tools make it easier for introverts to meet new people in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the introvert with anxiety.
As an introvert, you’re shy and feel uncomfortable meeting new people. It is not always easy for you to start a conversation, especially with strangers. It can be very intimidating to ask questions and make small talk, and it can be very difficult for you to be confident enough to do this.
Writing is typically your preferred mode of communication because it allows you to express your thoughts and feelings without feeling rushed or put on the spot. You’ll likely prefer to write emails, instead of speaking to a potential date, especially during the beginning of a relationship.
And the Internet makes it easy to meet other people you like, and you can start a chat with someone that you just met. Note that there are a lot of different ways to communicate. In addition to email, you can expand your communication tools to chat rooms, instant messaging (IM) and social networks.
Simply choose a way of communicating virtually that works for you as you move beyond superficial small talk into deeper, more meaningful interactions.
Date someone you know who shares your Christian beliefs so that you can have faith-based dates. It will also be easier to find something that is of interest to you both.
Whether that be attending church or bible study, helping a cause you care about as a volunteer in the community, or participating with like-minded individuals on a social media website like Stoic Matchmaker where you can share your faith – all are surefire ways to further a relationship with a potential partner.
It’s admirable to look for ways to spend time with someone with whom you might have a godly relationship. God is most pleased when we serve Him and cultivate meaningful connections.
When serving God by helping others, you can date without the pressures you might not be ready for – especially not on a first date. Knowing that God not only played a part in your coming together but that you are doing it with God in mind is a wonderful plus.
Finding lasting love may seem like an uphill battle for an introverted person who dislikes the dating scene. And in some cases, that may be true. But as an introvert, you can make the most of your dating experience by following these tips and exercising a little patience.
Dating is a big part of life. It is a social activity. If you are an introvert, it is easy to think that dating will be hard because of your personality. That is not true. Introverts can make wonderful partners. It is important to learn how to get over your fears of socializing.
Remember, potential partners are watching and waiting. Learn to use your innate strength to your advantage.
I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess
Your Christian Life Coach
AND I believe in YOU!
If you like what you mentally, now see, join my website to learn and think like me at StoicMatchmaker.com.
April 25, 2024
April 23, 2024
