December 21, 2022
Many girls dream of the perfect proposal. A romantic surprise, candles, and rose petals at the beach – the stuff we see in movies. However, these gestures don’t matter if the person or the timing is wrong for you. Receiving an unwanted marriage proposal can be incredibly difficult (and awkward!) if you are unsure how to deal with it.
The person proposing to you is likely someone you know well and care about. It might sound impossible not to hurt their feelings, but rejection can and should be done with compassion and kindness.
The following are a few tips on why and how to say, “No” to a marriage proposal.
If you’ve dated someone a few times, you should start preparing your mind for a potentially unwanted proposal. Gentlemen sometimes move faster than us ladies and will present a proposal when least expected.
So, following a few dates, you need to start that internal assessment of whether he is possibly the One. Before each subsequent date, you start preparing for that unexpected proposal and have your mind made up if he pops the question. In short, you will not allow yourself to be caught off-guard.
Think about whether he is right for you. Because the two of you have continued dating, the assumption is he is someone you care about very much. But you may not be ready just yet.
Some of the reasons to say, “No” may be personal preferences. For example, you like being single for the time being until the relationship matures to the point that you can have absolute trust in him. Or maybe you are ready to marry him if your finances were in order, but currently, they are not, and you want to address this issue on your own before committing to him. Maybe, you currently see you have many similar interests, but those deep conversations concerning family, finances, and goals have not been fully vetted. If so, only time can resolve such underlying issues.
Thus, tell him you believe the relationship is on the right track for marriage, but the relationship is not mature enough yet. Be honest and tell him you’re not absolutely sure that the two of you are completely compatible at this time, and you would like to spend more time with him until you feel satisfied.
It may be very hard for him to hear your answer, and it can make him sad. You may even think you’re hurting his feelings now, but getting into an eventual unpleasant life-long relationship will move those feelings to total heartache for both of you.
You can make him feel better by explaining what you have found out about him, your priorities, and what you feel comfortable with when with him. You can also share with him areas you believe more clarity needs to be provided.
And it may seem like a selfish thing to do, but if the proposal is popped on you in a public arena, causing you some embarrassment, you may need to distance yourself from him emotionally for the time being. If so, you can tell him that this is overwhelming and you need to be alone for a while.
More often than not, marriage proposals tend to happen in public places, and a lot of planning usually goes into them. There might be people watching, ready to capture the moment. Friends and family might be present, and this can put pressure on you to say, “Yes”.
However, don’t allow this to influence your decision in the moment. Instead, try to be as gentle and considerate as possible in your approach. Tell him that you are flattered but that you, unfortunately, cannot accept their proposal at this time and that you can discuss the reasons at a later time when in private.
Even if you’re angry at him for the public announcement which has embarrassed you, it is important to keep your cool. If you need to leave the public audience, be kind and respectful to him as you exit the building and speak to no one until you have had a chance to cool off.
The sad truth is that the worst time to say, “No” to a marriage proposal is right after someone proposes to you. It’s even worse if an audience is present.
It isn’t very flattering to him to be rejected in front of everyone. Afterward, he may feel rejected enough that he will leave you alone and move on with his life. By rejecting him you may be remembered forever for being rude.
If the rejection occurred with an audience present, he may feel humiliated for being rejected in a public forum when it was not necessary (in his mind) because he interpreted that “all the signs were present” that you wanted to get married.
On the other hand, you’ll know in your mind that you showed care about him as a person and that he is worth something to you by you not giving him (nor yourself) a subsequent life of marital misery.
There can be many possible reasons why you don’t want to say yes to a marriage proposal. For example, you may have a child from a previous relationship that needs to be cared for, or you might have some other serious problems that you need to work through. Let him know you want to make sure that he is aware of your issues before each of you make your final decision.
Additionally, you may simply not be ready for the commitment at this point in time, or you might not feel with complete certainty that he is the right person for you. Whatever the reason, it’s helpful to explain your decision to him.
Remember, if the proposal was made in public, wait until you are alone in private together to start your discussions. Sharing this information will allow him to better understand how you are feeling, what outstanding issues can possibly be addressed with time, which, in turn, might help soften the earlier blow to him.
If someone you care about asks you to marry him and you reject him, the relationship can feel quite awkward afterward. Once a bit of time has passed and you are both ready to talk, sit down with him and discuss what the future of your relationship will look like.
Pray together about this and ask God for guidance as to what to do. If both decide instead to remain as friends, but no longer date, make sure you each set clear boundaries so that each person won’t feel as though one is giving the other false hope.
Concluding Comments
Marrying someone should be a commitment that lasts a lifetime. This is why it is important to be very considerate when saying, “Yes”. It is important to remember that this person wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
There might be people watching, ready to capture the moment when the proposal offer is made. Friends and family might be present, and this can put pressure on you to say, “Yes”.
However, don’t allow this to influence your decision in the moment. Instead, try to be as gentle and considerate as possible in your approach to rejecting the offer.
Rejecting a marriage proposal is never an easy thing to do. But it can be done gently, by keeping both of your feelings in mind and respecting him always.
I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess
Your Christian Life Coach
AND I believe in YOU!
If you like what you mentally, now see, join my website to learn and think like me at StoicMatchmaker.com.
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