August 10, 2023
When your partner loves themself more than they love you, it can be a difficult and lonely feeling. It can present a challenge for any Christian. While self-love and self-care are important for all individuals, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who always puts their own needs ahead of yours.
If your partner ignores your feelings or fails to prioritize the shared connection you have, this article offers tips on how as a Christian you can stay connected while your significant other values themselves first.
The Bible provides many verses about love and its importance. Reading passages from scripture can remind us of God’s wisdom, open the door for meaningful conversations, and provide us with the courage to turn any conflict into a learning opportunity.
Prayer is a great way to get guidance from God regarding relationships. Praying for the person you love is an important step in finding peace and keeping your faith intact. When someone loves themselves more than they love those around them, it can be easy to feel bitterness toward them. Without judging or expecting anything back in return, simply pray that God will grant them understanding and open their hearts to His love. Praying for them will remind you who is ultimately in control—God.
Taking the time to pray for your loved ones is an important way to stay connected with them even when they’re not being kind toward you. Similarly, offer yourself prayers of comfort, strength, peace, and hope as you strive to maintain a positive attitude even in a challenging situation. Instead of holding onto unhelpful emotions such as resentment, pray for God to help you understand how to cope and respond during this challenging time. Asking God for His will in this situation can provide solace and clarity.
Acting out of a spirit of humility demonstrates that you respect and love even in difficult situations. Keeping the focus on loving your loved one, rather than dwelling on past wrongdoing or holding hard feelings, takes courage and strength. Put your faith in God by asking Him to work on their heart and yours as well. Philippians 2:3 encourages us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Showing loving kindness, even when it’s hard, is an important step to humility.
It can be difficult, but oftentimes the best way to respond when someone loves themselves more than they love you is to offer them words of encouragement. You don’t need to tell them how wrong they are or try and change how they think; instead, offer them kind words in hopes that it may help bring a sense of peace and understanding. Compliment their positive attributes and remind them of all the things you appreciate and admire about them; this loving reminder could help the situation immensely.
It’s easy to think that in moments like this, you are the only one offering love and compassion for a person. But God loves everyone, even when they don’t express their love for us in the way we want it. He understands the complexities of life and wants us all to experience peace and contentment, no matter how difficult it feels at times. Remind your loved one that God is always with them, an ever-present source of comfort and protection.
When the person we love puts themself above us, it can be difficult to know how to proceed. At times like these, it’s important to stay rooted in your faith and set healthy boundaries. Remind yourself that you don’t owe them anything more than you would give anyone else. Love should never involve compromising yourself. Define what is acceptable behavior and let them know if they cross the line, there will be repercussions. Place boundaries both for their sake and for your own mental health.
It’s important to maintain healthy boundaries within the relationship, so you don’t start feeling neglected. Discuss and determine specific expectations that work for both of you. Make sure to communicate how either of you feels if the other isn’t meeting the expectations. Similarly, if your partner has difficulty taking care of themselves or recognizing their own needs, express your concern and set clear boundaries about what is unacceptable in the relationship or related to self-care.
Stop trying to bend yourself into what you think the person you love wants from you. Instead, focus on your goals and desires; of course, if those align with your loved one, that’s fine, but it should never feel like a burden. Withholding approval or affection won’t bring them around – in fact, it might just drive them away even further. So be strong in who you are, which is how God made you, and know that validation should come first and foremost from Him. You are God’s beloved child, and His love is enough.
We often want to “fix” people and situations that don’t align with our own present understanding or comfort. However, you can still love someone even when there are faults and flaws that don’t meet your expectations of them. Choose to extend mercy by looking for the underlying causes for their behavior instead of seeing the person or situation through only an outward perspective. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Pray that God will give you understanding and wisdom as you interact with them.
It’s important to understand the balance between self-love and selfishness. Self-love is rooted in taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, while understanding that you cannot pour from an empty cup. On the other hand, selfishness means putting your own needs first at the expense of someone else’s well-being. Don’t be afraid to speak up if your partner crosses this line, as healthy communication is essential for any relationship.
While it’s important for everyone to make time for themselves, it’s equally important to ensure that self-care looks beneficial for both individuals in the relationship – and not just one partner. For example, going out with friends or exercising are good forms of self-care, but going out every night or obsessively dieting can be unhealthy. Encourage your partner to maintain constructive ways of taking care of themselves that don’t interrupt the relationship.
Everyone has their own individual needs, and it’s important to respect them. Don’t expect your partner to drastically change who they are for the sake of your relationship, as this will only lead to disappointment and frustration. If there’s something you need that isn’t currently being met through the relationship, don’t expect them to turn on a dime — try finding ways to bridge the divide between both of your needs.
No matter what is going on in your partner’s life, offer them unconditional love and support. Acknowledge their efforts to take care of themselves, even when it conflicts with the relationship. Remember that they are just as important as you in the relationship – so make sure to demonstrate that in everyday actions. Even when tensions arise or your partner doesn’t prioritize you above everything, share words of affirmation that emphasize how much you care about them, no matter what.
I’m Lori Stith, The Stoicess,
Your Christian Life Coach
AND I believe in YOU.
If you like what you mentally, now see, join my website to learn and think like me at StoicMatchmaker.com
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